


The Will.

by Beckon



Category: The Evil Within (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Comfort Sex, F/M, Fluff, Mentions of Blood, Mentions of: Hallucinations, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Minor Slow Burn, Post Game AU, Sexual Content, Side effects of STEM, Sweet Sweet KJ love, mental trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-01
Updated: 2016-06-17
Packaged: 2018-05-10 21:05:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5600875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beckon/pseuds/Beckon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was still with her- even if the raw scars on his skin tried to dictate otherwise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_"It's over, it's over."_

The words came out in soothing whispers as she held onto him.

Fingers remained tightly curled and her palm pressed hard against the back of his right shoulder as she kept him firmly anchored to her- as she wrinkled his thin shirt in her grasp.

Her other hand, in contrast, gently cupped the back of his neck; fingers slightly trembling against his heated, wet skin.

She could feel how tense his body remained.

She could feel the heavy tremors that violently shook him as he struggled to keep the attack under control; as he remained locked in her grasp, tightly held in her arms.

...

STEM had affected him on a far greater scale than Juli had previously thought- probably more so than anyone else who had survived from that psychological torture machine. Although to say it like that implied that there had been previous survivors in the first place. Which was, unfortunately, untrue. At least, no one who had survived from that specific strain of STEM; the one that grew into the Hell that it was after Ruben's death.

It was a miracle that Joseph had survived STEM in the first place, let alone the multitude of attacks that had targeted him in there.

Each attack had left him both physically and mentally weaker than the last, but... he had managed to pull through to the end. He managed to survive long enough to escape from the machine- which came to the surprise, and relief, of both her and Sebastian.

There were times where they were both certain that Joseph wasn't going to survive- that he had lost too much blood, or that his body had taken too much trauma to continue. And, despite their reluctance in admitting to it..., they both knew what would have to be done if it came down to it.

Killing him inside of STEM would also mean killing him outside of it, but... that was the only merciful way. It was the only way to ensure that both his physical and subconscious states died together- without being forcibly separated by STEM.

Otherwise, he would be no different from the Haunted who roamed STEM looking for a way out.

...

Thankfully, those plans never came to fruition, and both she and Sebastian avoided the nightmares that would've surely followed.

Instead, the three of them emerged from STEM completely intact- at least, for the most part.

Juli supposed it had been foolish to think that they could escape it at all.

There were pieces of that nightmare world embedded like glass in Joseph's subconscious, and, at any given moment, they would seize up and try to take control... much like it had before. Much like when STEM had forced him to wrap his hands around their necks in a desperate bid to stop them- to kill them.

It resulted in him getting these... attacks, these 'relapses' from STEM.

Each one was strikingly different from the last, but they all carried the same hazards; they were dangerous to try and suppress. They put an unbearable amount of strain on his body in an attempt to weaken his willpower and break his grip of control. Sometimes these attacks were easy to deal with, and other times... they became so violent that he would black out and not remember what had happened for the entire duration.

Sometimes he would wake up with blood drawn from his own body, and no recollection of why he would carve symbols and patterns into his skin.

Unfortunately, those were the easiest aftermaths to pick up the pieces from.

It was easy to heal physical wounds; it was easy to wash away blood and gently wrap up broken skin.

...

Sometimes it was like he had never escaped STEM to begin with.

...

Still, despite the risk of further injuring himself, despite the impossible amount of stress it inflicted on him, Joseph continued to fight against the black outs and relapses.

Despite the physical pain and mental agony it put him in, he continued to fight against the roots that STEM had embedded in his head.

...

He was tired of constantly being at war with himself.

He was tired of suffering through the same mental torture game again and again... but he refused to lose.

He was adamant about not letting STEM win- not this time, and not ever again.

And Juli hated to admit that, in this ongoing moment, this was one of his more successful attempts at fighting back.

Her grip on Joseph tightened as Juli pulled him in closer to her; she could feel every muscle in his back and shoulders straining as the relapse attacked his entire body. His fingertips had bruised and nearly bloodied themselves as they curled tightly against the hardwood floor next to her.

She could feel every struggled breath that had escaped him turn hot against her neck.

She could feel how he had to fight to keep breathing through the rigorous pain that was all in his head.

...

There were risk that were involved with getting close to him like this during one of these attacks- she knew that. Juli was fully aware that he could, potentially, slip and lose control; that he could lose full control against the fragments of STEM just this one time. And all it would take was just one instance of losing complete, utter control and... he would be gone; there would be no returning from it.

Because she knew how much it would kill him if he woke up to perfectly placed bruises around her neck.

She knew how much it would hurt him to realize that he was capable of hurting either her or Sebastian.

... And that was where she knew they would lose him.

But she hated having to sit back and feel useless.

She hated having to try and ignore what was going on.

She hated having to settle with just hoping that maybe he could fight it off just one more time.

These attacks varied in frequency; they never had a set pattern, and they were never triggered by just one thing. They were unpredictable and they could change on a whim with little to no explanation for why.

Sometimes they could start and abruptly end just thirty seconds later.

Sometimes he could go days- weeks if he was lucky- between attacks.

But when they did flare up and stick around... it was never pretty.

Because while there were ones that only lasted thirty seconds, there were also attacks that would last hours at a time. There were relapses that would mentally and physically drain him to the point of exhaustion; there were ones that would leave him struggling to breathe and needing days to recover from the inflicted agony.

And, as things would happen, by the time he suitably recovered from the tortured experience... another relapse would strike and ruin him all over again.

It wasn't uncommon for two attacks to strike within the same day. Although, typically, the second one would have more of an aftershock effect, where it would continuously haunt him throughout the day. Sometimes it wouldn't erupt into a full blown attack, but... rather stick around like a pair of unpleasant hands around his neck.

...

Joseph wasn't stupid though; she knew that.

She knew he could tell the difference between what was real and... what belonged to whatever kind of hallucination the fragmented pieces of STEM could conjure up.

But Juli also knew that those hallucinations, those visions, were strong. They were powerful and incredibly convincing, and no matter how tenacious someone was... it was easy to be a victim when you simply couldn't fight back.

They were hallucinations, but... when he was locked inside of the fragmented memories of that world, it was real.

The panic, the fear... even the pain.

And she knew that he was seeing something that he couldn't fight back against. During these attacks, when he was locked inside of his own corrupted mind, he was always helpless and blind; he had no other choice but to withstand whatever mental torture might be inflicted upon him. At best, he could only hope and pray that he would come out of it in one stable piece.

...

In that world, Joseph could feel himself being held down by the strong hands that were wrapped around his neck; he could feel the rough, coarse palms that pressed down heavily against his throat.

He could feel the barbed wire that was forced underneath his skin, and he could feel the short, serrated edges shredding him open from the inside.

He could feel the warm blood, that wasn't actually there, spilling over his skin in thick, crimson tides.

He could feel his lungs choking, not under the pressure of suffocation, but rather from the blood that was filling them as well.

He could see himself being ripped into- being ripped apart.

And he can't fight back- he never could.

He could only suffer through it.

...

As much of a relief as it was when the hallucinations were over... it was never easy to adjust to the aftermath. He would still live in that perpetual state of mental trauma that rolled over into physical pain. Because as fragmented as they were, those pieces of STEM could trick his mind into thinking his body was in agony- that his body had actually been ripped apart..., and his brain never knew the difference.

"It's over, it's over."

Juli continued to whisper, allowing the words to come out in a calming rush for the both of them. She was almost certain there were bruises on his skin from where she had dug her fingers into him- desperate to prove to herself that he was still with her. But she could feel the tension that had locked up his body slowly coming undone- she could feel him slowly beginning to relax in her hold.

"It's over, you're okay... I'm right here."

It felt like full minutes passed on before he finally seemed able to believe her.

Juli heard the quiet way he gasped as everything slowly began to fall back into place for him.

For now, he was no longer trapped in that nightmare world that circulated inside of his head; he wasn't being split apart or bled out...

No, he was right here with her.

Joseph was safely tucked inside of her arms with the both of them on the hardwood floor of his bedroom. And, while she couldn't remember the exact chain of events that brought them here, it didn't matter to her.

Her legs and back ached from sitting in the same position for so long, but it was all well worth the pain.

She felt the subtle way he fell heavily against her now, and how one arm briefly moved to wrap around her slender body. She couldn't help but to feel relief as he rested his head more prominently against her shoulder.

Closing her eyes, Juli gave out a sigh as she gently moved her fingers through his dark hair.

"You're okay..."

...

She needed him to know that- even if he didn't believe it himself.

He needed to know that he was okay, and that he would be okay no matter how bad things got.

...

There was no response, but she felt his fingers curl against her back as though to acknowledge what she had said.

And it was better than nothing.

Juli let him use her for physical support for however long he needed to; she quietly passed the time by trailing her fingers up and down the back of his neck. His skin was hot to the touch which, given the circumstances, was normal. She just had to be careful to keep her touch light so that it wouldn't irritate him- not that he would ever tell her that it did.

If anything, she was just glad that he was still allowing her to touch him and that his skin didn't burn at the smallest of contacts.

...

Eventually, she felt Joseph's hands move to rest against her thighs, before he slowly pulled himself away from her.

He looked utterly exhausted, but... he was still fighting.

He was still with her, even if the raw scars on his skin tried to dictate otherwise.

His eyes were still slightly unfocused and there were dark rings underneath them- although those had been there for a few days now. And it was almost impossible to not notice every stress line that strayed around his eyes, making them appear almost hollow.

Juli reached forward and brushed her fingers against his damp bangs as she gently smoothed them back into place.

For now, the only side effect he seemed to have was the minor fever that left a soft flush across his skin.

There was no involuntary shaking, or extreme disorientation- or even severe vomiting.

So, thankfully, this would be one of his more tamed cooling down periods- which was rare for him to have.

"I'm fine," Joseph finally spoke, his voice sounded rough, but for what it was worth it sounded like he meant it.

Juli heard him give a shaky sigh and watched as he pinched the bridge of his nose- exposing the way his hand shook as he did so.

It was hard to believe how calm and collective he could be sometimes.

"I just... I need to distract myself with something."

With a relapse like the one he just had, more than likely there would be another, shorter, one to follow. It didn't happen often, but sometimes he seemed to know when he was safe from a second attack or not... And right now, he knew that he wasn't. But, very rarely, if he could preoccupy himself with something, anything, then he could keep the aftershock at ease, or somehow hinder its severity.

Which usually meant that he would go back to working on whatever files had been brought back from the office.

Which also meant that he would forcibly mentally exhaust himself by working for hours at a time without taking a break.

...

His last 'distraction' had lasted close to fourteen hours, and he nearly put himself into greater danger by doing so.

Juli watched him close his eyes for a moment and watched as he briefly dropped his head forward.

He was still exhausted from fighting... She didn't think he could distract himself even if he wanted to- or had to for that matter.

Her fingers brushed through his hair once more, carefully sculpting it back into place, before she cupped her hands against his jaw. Her thumbs traced small circles against his flushed cheeks before she slowly pulled him to her and leaned down to press her lips to his.

They were still warm and they trembled briefly at the touch.

Joseph had to have been a little disoriented still, but he gave in to her almost immediately.

She felt one of his hands move to brush against her cheek and the heat of his skin reminded her to cherish the touch; although she had to admit that she preferred the cooling graze of his leather gloves sometimes.

But he was kissing her back and, right now, that was all she cared for.

Just light, non-committed kisses that ended almost as soon as they started- allowing them to breathe once between each one.

...

She dropped one hand to his waist as fingers briefly tangled in his thin shirt, before she slowly pulled it up enough for her hand to slip under. He was warm all over and she felt him shudder lightly as fingertips trailed up along his bare side.

"What are you doing?" Joseph whispered; his question coming out between different embraces.

"You said you needed a distraction," Juli replied, as her other hand gradually slipped to the back of his neck before she pulled him to her once again. She held him long and slow, finally allowing for the embrace to break lips; even his mouth was hot against hers. She felt the corners of her lips twitch as Joseph softly moaned at the subtle actions of her tongue on his, before she pulled away. "This is healthier than sitting in the dark reading reports all night."

Joseph pulled her to him this time.

And this time, she was the one left softly moaning when he drew away.

"We can't... I can't do this."

Juli recognized the tone in his voice and felt his hand drop away from her cheek.

...

On a small degree, he was scared.

He was exhausted and stressed- and in a situation like this, he couldn't be certain that he was thinking clearly. And while it wasn't a terrible proposition, and while she wasn't wrong that it would certainly be better than reading reports for the next ten hours..., he couldn't trust himself.

He wouldn't trust himself.

Juli gradually let her hands fall to rest on his thighs, mimicking his position now, before she leaned forward and gently rested herself against his shoulder. His breathing had finally evened out and she suspected he was finally calm again- or at least as calm as he could get now and days.

She felt Joseph hesitate for a moment, before he slowly wrapped his arm back around her; his fingers tangling in her thin shirt once more.

"You'll be okay," Juli started, as she moved one hand to his chest and slowly pressed out the wrinkles in his shirt.

"What if I have another attack?" Joseph asked, fingers drawing circles against her spine now. "... What if I try to hurt you?"

"Then I guess I wasn't distracting you enough," she offered.

"I'm serious."

She knew he was.

And she knew that he would get up and leave this situation if he honestly believed he would be a threat to her.

...

But he had yet to do so.

And Juli questioned whether that was based on him being somewhat convinced by her that he would be okay..., or if it was out of some desperate need for a renewed sense of humanity.

She wasn't the best choice for that though- her touch on humanity had been broken a long time ago.

...

But he just needed something to remind him of why he struggled through each attack; he needed something to remind him of why he shouldn't let go even when the need to was overwhelming.

And just the same, despite how violent these attacks could be at times, there had never been a single incident where he had inadvertently hurt either her or Sebastian during one; if anything, he hurt himself more during them.

Joseph had the occasional nightmares where he saw himself killing them in vivid detail- and often times, it was so realistic that he woke up convinced that it had actually happened. He'd wake up covered in a cold sweat, and mistaken it for being blood- their blood. And he would seek them out, no matter the time of day or night, just to make sure it wasn't real- just to make sure he hadn't gone crazy and done something against his will.

And, as naive and dangerous as it was to think, she knew he would never hurt them.

...

The touch of her hands brought him warmth instead of pain, and that seemed to be enough.

Juli pulled away before she brought her lips to his own once again.

This time, she gently brushed against them, savoring their heat, before she moved to the corner of his lips- feeling the slight way they twitched underneath her touch. Her hands moved to his jaw as she gently pulled him down to her, moving her lips to his upper one, before she skirted kisses against his cheek. Despite his earlier reluctance, Joseph easily moved with her hands, providing her with the comfort that he wanted this to continue.

She brushed lips to the bridge of his nose, briefly lingering there, before she gently turned his head to one side- touching lips just underneath his right eye. She felt his fingers drift further up her back with each kiss, and felt his warm breath pooling against her neck.

"You'll be okay."

Joseph shuddered before his hands moved to cup her face, before he pulled her to his lips instead.

And she felt him kiss her with this new sense of intensity that told her that she had managed to convince him this one time.

"Nothing's going to happen," Juli assured once more, as her hands grabbed the back of his shirt before she slowly started to drag it up along his torso. "Besides, if something does, I can handle you."

"I don't think that's as reassuring as you think it is."

He pulled her into one more kiss, keeping it short this time, before he let her ease the wrinkling shirt off of him and throw it aside. Her hands pressed against his shoulders as she touched her lips against the curve of his neck, teasing him for only a short moment before she slowly moved up along his throat- leaving a clustered trail of her lipstick on his skin.

She lightly squeezed his shoulders as she felt his hands slowly drop to unbutton the front of her shirt.

"If you're really worried though...," Juli started, whispering against the curve of his jaw as her hands moved to his chest and slowly pushed him back. With some careful maneuvering, she managed to press him back against the cool, hardwood floor underneath them; despite the slight discomfort, she figured it might help to cool his fever down- or at least his skin. "I could always handcuff you."

Joseph only looked slightly surprised that she would bring up such a thing.

"I'll pass."

A light chuckle escaped her as she slowly slipped her legs over his waist and settled herself against his hips- straddling him for the time being. Hands moved to press against his chest once again, before she slowly slid them to his shoulders- leaning her body forward with the motion. "You seemed to enjoy them last time."

Her remark managed to fluster him this time.

"I..."

Juli leaned down and pressed her lips to him, feeling how his hands moved to tangle in her short hair. He was always so gentle at times, and she heard herself quietly moan as his fingers pressed and massaged against the base of her skull.

Her hands moved to cup his face, forcing her to rest her forearms on his chest, before she tilted his head back.

Her lips dipped downward to brush against the exposed reveal of his throat- catching the shuddered breath that escaped him.

"We should definitely do that again sometime soon," she whispered.

"Did you have to bring that up?" he questioned.

"I said I would distract you, didn't I?"

Joseph gave a weak laugh as his hands moved to tangle in the back of her shirt, before he slowly began to pull it up along her chest; his warm fingertips tracing the dip of her spine as he did so. "Then I guess if I start to lose my mind, than you have my permission to use a pair- not that you would need my word for it."

She humored him with a chuckle at his expense. "You're killing me with this state of power," Juli teased, as she moved her hands to the floor and pushed herself up- at least just enough to slip off her shirt. Tossing the limp material aside, she settled herself back on top of him; bracing her arms next to his head, she let her body lie flat against his own so that they matched chest-to-chest and hip-to-hip. "... You okay?"

His fingers pressed circles against the back of her shoulders as he seemed to be stalling for an answer.

His eyes weren't focused on hers, but when they eventually did look up and meet with her, she knew he was going to answer her truthfully.

"No."

...

She wasn't surprised- but at this point, there was little else she could do.

Everything he was going through was all up to him...

Juli brushed her lips against his throat once more, before she slowly kissed her way down to the dip of his neck. "Kissing you won't solve anything..."

"I'm not complaining."

She smiled briefly. "Of course you're not," she whispered, as she felt his hands trail down along her naked back before she pulled him into one more kiss. His mouth was still warm and she enjoyed the heat it provided, as she felt his fingers carefully unclip the back of her bra. Fingers tugged the loosened straps from her shoulders and skirted them down her arms until she took the initiative to remove and dispose of it.

His hands moved to her waist next and slowly enveloped it as he carefully rolled them onto their sides.

The floorboards were cold against her skin and she felt herself shudder in reaction- although his warm hands did well to make up for it.

Joseph cupped his hands against her jaw as she dragged him to her lips once again, never wanting to let go of them. She pushed her fingers through his hair and grabbed the back of his neck as she held him to her- anchoring him to her.

He returned the gesture by moving his hands to her ribs, and then wrapping her up in his arms- cementing them together.

When they broke for air, he moved to the curve of her neck and she hummed softly at the warm touch of his lips against sensitive skin; she felt the way his hands slowly explored her, feeling the way they curled up against her back.

A quiet breath escaped her as she felt him tuck his head against her shoulder, and carefully held him there, feeling how relaxed his body was now. Any signs of tension or stress had dissipated for the time being.

She fell into the lull of his warm breath against her, of the slow press of his fingertips over her skin; she could feel the shared breath between them, feel how their chests and lungs moved in one motion.

They held each other for what felt like long minutes, never moving and simply taking in one another's heat.

...

Until the situation became clear to her.

Juli had to fight back a quiet laugh as she looked to see where Joseph had, instead, fallen asleep against her.

For the first time, possibly ever, she was actually glad to have someone fall asleep while they were... starting things up. Joseph desperately needed sleep more than he needed her, and if the sudden rush of exhaustion had to hit him now, than so be it.

At least it had been now and not further down the line.

Still trying to cut back on the need to laugh, she carefully worked herself out from his arms- and managed to do so without waking him up. She grabbed her bra and shirt from nearby and quickly re-dressed; she smiled lightly and watched him as she did so, admiring the subtle sense of contentment on his face.

He would be too heavy for her to carry, but she didn't exactly like the idea of leaving him on the floor.

But she had slept on the floor plenty of times before in her life, so she knew how to make the experience halfway decent.

Briefly getting to her feet, Juli reached over him and carefully yanked the covers off of his bed, before she laid them over him. He didn't so much as stir at the gesture- not even when she slowly fitted a pillow underneath him. Part of her was somewhat surprised that he didn't wake, but somehow she knew not to be; hell, at this point, she wouldn't be surprised if he stayed asleep for the next few days.

She made sure he was semi-comfortable, before she got to her feet and walked around the room- making sure all the blinds and curtains were drawn closed. He slept best in pitch darkness, which she always thought was odd since she liked to have a little bit of light somewhere; then again, in her younger years, it was always safer to have one on.

...

She stayed and watched him for a short while, just to make sure a nightmare didn't stir up, before she quietly stepped out of the room.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is super late, and not even finished really. I was aiming for just two chapters with this story, but I'll have to extend it to three. My draft just got too long, and I'm struggling with one portion of it- not to mention, it's been about a month, or more, since I updated. (Although I had to go through some really irritating computer issues before, so that also explains the delay). But I just wanted to get something out so you know the story isn't going to sit here unfinished.
> 
> I hate to keep cockblocking you guys on this, but hopefully you can bear with me for just a little longer.

"Is there a reason Joseph's passed out on the floor?"

Juli looked up from her laptop at the question and, had she not thought that Sebastian's look of concern was legitimate, she might've laughed instead. It was an odd question, but as of lately, there had been a lot of them being asked- they were pretty common to hear now and days. At least, for the three of them it was. "It's a long story," she offered, as she picked up her cup and took a sip of the lukewarm coffee.

... A story she'd much rather not get into.

Especially not with Sebastian.

"Is it serious?"

She knew he was only asking out of concern- even though he also knew that she would've called him the first chance she got if it had been something serious. Still, he was just trying to keep all his bases covered. She offered the best reassuring smile she could to battle out his tired, worried features; he had just gotten back from work, so she supposed she should cut him some slack. "He had another one of those attack earlier, but... it was short and there was no aftermath," Juli reassured. "He passed out from exhaustion before I could move him, so... I had no choice but to leave him there. I tried to make him comfortable, but he'll probably complain about some back pains later."

Sebastian gave a brief nod and rubbed at the back of his neck.

He was looking more tired these days- older almost.

His bronze, roughed-up skin was looking a little more worn down and scarred as well.

"How long has he been there?"

"Hm, about two hours," Juli guessed with a slight shrug, "give or take."

"I'll just leave him there then."

She chuckled quietly at his words, and watched as he seated himself in the chair adjacent to her. When he had returned home a few minutes before, she didn't even hear him walk in and nearly had the life scared out of her when he just started talking. How a man as big as he was, and as brash as he was, could be so quiet at times was beyond her. Or maybe it was her who had been subconsciously canceling out the noise around her. "How was work?"

"It's fine," Sebastian answered, as he rubbed at his neck once more, before he slightly rolled it. "It's just... keeping up with everything going on- but mostly, it's trying to keep up with Myra again."

Juli stilled at the name, and watched as he leaned back in his chair.

The fact that Mobius had allowed all of them to live and escape was a miracle, and a high act of mercy from the black market company.

But... the fact that they had allowed Myra to be free as well was... something in of itself.

"How is she doing?" Juli slowly started.

"She hasn't changed, I can tell you that," he replied, "but she's been working up a storm over this Beacon case- it's hard to keep up with her. It's hard to... keep things from her- at least, for now."

She could hear the hesitation in his voice- the almost kind of guilt at having to withhold information from his long-disappeared wife. The KCPD had been beyond... a mix of amazed, relieved, and horrified at the reappearance of their Lead Investigator. The woman they had all assumed had left after the death of her daughter, had actually been taken and held hostage; a crime had been committed, and the department had done nothing to help her.

After everything they had gone through, after almost a year disappearance only to be reunited after Beacon... she could understand why Sebastian was hesitant to give Myra the information she was looking for. The reason she got tangled up with Mobius in the first place was because of what she was doing now. It wasn't fair to Myra, they all knew that, but Juli could sympathize.

Sebastian didn't want to risk losing her again.

"Either way, she's going to be your problem when you clock in."

Juli grimaced and closed her laptop before she pushed it away from her. The clock nearby said that it was almost one in the afternoon now, which was about the usual time she headed back into the office anyways. They all worked in shifts so that there were always two in the office and two at home; it was usually Sebastian staying with Myra, but... when she had to go in, he usually came back to keep an eye on Joseph- especially if something like this had happened. She knew Sebastian would've preferred to keep an eye on Myra, but he wasn't going to abandon his friend either.

"And she still doesn't..."

"No," Sebastian answered before she had a chance to finish. "She doesn't remember anything. She knows something happened, but... well, that's what she's trying to work on now; she's trying to fit all the pieces back together to make a story."

The woman had always been a workaholic to some degree- or at least, that's what the Mobius reports on her had read her as.

At this point in time though, Juli was certain her working habit was more in part to the grudge she held against whoever had done this to her. And she sure as hell couldn't blame Myra for being pissed off; they all were- herself included.

"She doesn't remember you, Juli, if that's what you're worried about."

It was.

All those months of rigorous training and being fooled into thinking she had found a sense of paradise in her shitty world... It was still hard to believe that it had been Myra behind her eventual involvement with Mobius. It was hard to believe that the woman who had basically started this whole mess with Mobius had been under her nose the entire time.

It left a crater in her chest as she thought about all the times before, when she had first joined the KCPD, and listened to those stories about the woman. She had worked alongside Sebastian for months and... just never knew a damn thing.

...

If there was one good thing to come out of this whole mess though, it was that everyone referred to her as Juli now; it made the transition into a post-Mobius life a little easier to adjust to. She had never been a fan of her first name, but after hearing Mobius refer to her as Kid over and over, she never wanted to hear it again. It was a little odd for everyone to adjust to it at first, but thankfully everyone understood where she was coming from and did their best to accommodate her request.

"I guess I should get going then," Juli started.

"I would suggest it- at least before Myra calls hounding you about where you are," Sebastian nodded. "I'll keep an eye on Joseph until you get back, and call you if anything changes. If you can, try to convince Myra to ease up a bit- I don't need to be dragging her back home at three in the morning again."

"I'll try, but no promises."

* * *

 

...

Sometimes Juli hated it when Sebastian was right.

She had months of experience with Myra when she was under Mobius' control- and she thought the woman was hard to keep up with then. But this... this was something entirely new. This was a woman who had over a year missing from her life- and no recollection of where it went. This was a woman still freshly upset over what happened to her daughter, and still having to deal with everyone's reactions to her reappearance.

This was also a woman hellbent on finding out the truth.

... She could certainly see why Myra and Sebastian were made for each other.

When Myra wasn't working, she was on the phone talking to him- always making sure he was there to pick up, always making sure there was someone on the other end of the line. Myra said she had memories of her picking up the phone... only to never remember who she was going to call, and never knowing why no one picked up. Juli had never witnessed these kinds of lapses when Myra was at Mobius, but that wasn't to say they didn't exist. The woman was damn good at being evasive, at hiding things that needed to be confidential until the last minute.

Despite all of this, there was no adjusting for her... Myra went straight into work, straight back to business like it had always been in her blood. And it was odd to witness the woman who had been so stiff and monotone with her before, suddenly so animated in the office. She was damn hard to keep up with, and there were moments where Juli had no idea where the woman had gone off to- only for Myra to kick the office door open and carry in everything she could grab from the courthouse and evidence room.

And it was difficult to keep her mouth shut around the woman- to make sure she didn't let anything slip.

For Sebastian, it was out of desperation and love.

But for her... it was out of fear.

At any time, Mobius could swoop back in and haul the both of them off without a word of warning. Just as they had done before.

And the thought of it was terrifying to her now.

...

But for now, she had more important things to worry about.

Stepping into the house, Juli quietly locked the door behind her, before she slipped off her shoes and hung her jacket up. She had already passed Sebastian on his way out, and warned him that while Myra would be coming home soon, she would be bringing work home with her. The woman was stubborn, but determined, so it was surprising when Myra finally agreed that maybe she had been working too much in the office lately- only to reveal that working at home might provided a better atmosphere for her.

Sebastian thanked her for getting that much done at least.

As long as Myra was home, he didn't have to worry as much for her.

Giving off a heavy sigh in the midst of a silent house, Juli slowly made her way back towards Joseph's bedroom- loosening her shirt as she moved through the house. She peeked into the still dark bedroom, only to notice that he didn't appear to have stirred in the slightest. Sebastian had told her that Joseph hadn't budged through the five hours he had been watching him, which really wasn't all too unusual.

Especially regarding his case.

Still, she found herself walking into the room and kneeling down next to him just to make sure that he was still breathing at least; and it was a quick relief to find that he was. She supposed it was always just an ugly thought that cultivated in the back of her head. He was a horribly quiet sleeper, and never so much as moved an inch while he slept- he could easily be mistaken for dead. And regarding everything that had happened before, she just needed the added security of knowing for certain that he was still alive.

Juli smiled briefly at his peaceful-looking expression- one that was a rarity to see most days.

Once she was certain that he was okay, and would be okay, she quietly stood back up and walked back to slip into the master bathroom for a quick shower.

She felt exhausted and restless all in one- and while the hot water did little to fix that... it was still pretty comforting to have against her skin. And comfort was a pretty big commodity for her now and days.

She ran the water a little to hot, leaving her skin bright red and sensitive when she finally got out. It was getting common for her to do so, and while she was reluctant to admit why... she couldn't deny her own hints of crushed reality. She could still feel the dirt and grime that had been collected in layers on her skin; she could still feel the dried, foreign blood that had clumped in her hair and on her clothing.

Sometimes the water ran hot enough to wash away the impressions of hands that had grabbed and yanked on her arms and legs- ripping and collecting her skin under rotting fingernails.

She didn't have any physical reminders of what had happened in STEM, nothing more than the deep scar on her forearm, and even then... it was easy to ignore. On most days anyways.

Shutting the water off, she let the memories of STEM drip off of her, and swirl down the drain, before she stepped out of the confined shower. Drying herself off, she slipped into nothing more than an oversized shirt and stepped out of the bathroom.

It was almost odd just how well she and Joseph had integrated their lives and living spaces into one- especially considering how different they were in terms of housekeeping. She always denied that she had moved in with him when someone asked, but... she hadn't been back to her apartment in weeks; she only went back long enough to pay her rent, which at this point, was just a waste of money. Her lease would be up soon, and it wouldn't take much to just shove all of her belongings into a storage unit; it wasn't like she had much anyways.

And he had been open to the idea of her moving in, although remarked that it would take some getting used to.

Giving into a full body stretch, she stifled a brief yawn before she walked over to where he was still passed out and carefully slipped in next to him. She figured he might appreciate the company whenever he woke up- and she was feeling pretty tired as well, despite it barely being seven in the evening now. And... God forbid, if he did wake up and go into another relapse, than at least she would be here for him.

She watched him carefully, taking in every little subtle move that played across his features- like the slight twitch on the corner of his lips whenever he breathed out, or the way his fingers curled in every now and again. Carefully reaching forward, she let her fingertips play against the curve of his jaw, tracing the slight curve of it, before she moved to cup it against her palm. The flat of her thumb brushed circles against his cheek, and she felt the way he turned away from her in response, an airless kind of groan leaving him.

The floor still wasn't the most ideal of places to sleep, but she tried to close her eyes for a little while anyways.

...

She didn't know how long she laid there with him, maybe a little over an hour, maybe not, but she stirred slightly at the sound of a quiet groan leaving him. Sleep didn't exactly find her, but she had gotten comfortable enough that it would hold her over, and she could leave it at that. Stifling another yawn, she watched as he slowly pulled away from her as he rolled onto his back- one hand moving to rub at his face.

"How long have I been asleep?" Joseph whispered; his voice rough and slightly hoarse from sleep.

"Do you want me to answer that truthfully?" Juli replied, watching as he only nodded in response. "Hm, almost eight hours maybe- give or take."

He gave another groan and moved both hands to cover his face- drawing a quiet chuckle from her with the motion. "Well... normally I'd complain, but I'll be damned if that wasn't the best sleep I've gotten in awhile now," he spoke, as he moved to push his fingers through his hair now, pulling it out of his face.

"That's why I didn't try to wake you up," she remarked, as she reached over and brushed some of his loose bangs from his face. It was rare to see his hair not styled in its usual manner, which was a shame because she liked the loose look to it. "If you're feeling better, you should shower and walk around the house for a bit; the exercise will be good for you, and probably work out that knot in your back-"

"Did I fall asleep while we were in the middle of something?"

Juli paused at his interruption, and tried to fight back the slightly snorted laugh that wanted to escape her. "... Do you want me to answer that truthfully?"

Surprisingly enough, Joseph gave a short laugh and moved his hands back to his face. "Oh God..."

She couldn't stop herself this round, and gave into a matching laugh at his comment. Despite the entire situation beforehand, and everything that had gone with it... he actually sounded embarrassed that he quite possibly collapsed from exhaustion while they were slowly getting intimate. He was quite literally losing his mind, and her offer to distract had been poorly-timed maybe, but it had worked about as well as she had figured- he was laughing at himself over it. "We were barely kissing," Juli reminded him, "and I was expecting you to fall asleep on me anyways."

"Then why start anything in the first place?" he queried.

"Kept you distracted, didn't it?"

Joseph dropped his hands to his side and shot her an almost comically exasperated look- one that she really tried not to laugh at this time. Not that that worked out all that well either though. "I need to take a shower," he sighed, before he slowly pushed himself up, groaning the entire time he did so.

Juli watched as he sat up before he leaned forward against his legs; she watched as he briefly tucked his head down as he cupped his hands over the back of his neck. He was probably still in some mild pain- and probably still exhausted too, despite his deep slumber. Her eyes slowly hovered over the small bruises that were forming over his lower back, and briefly wondered where they might've came from- but quickly decided that it wasn't worth thinking about.

Just like the heavy scars that plagued the backs of his shoulders and traveled down his spine.

Instead, she reached over and traced circles with her fingertips against his back- catching the way he leaned into the touch. "Need any help?" she offered.

He surprised her with another laugh, before he slowly worked his way to his feet. "No, I'll be fine- with you there, I'd probably just fall asleep in the middle of it again."

Juli replied with an exaggerated groan and watched as he gradually made his way across the room, before he disappeared into the master bathroom. Well, at the very least, he woke up, which on it's own was good- and he seemed to be in good spirits, which was even better. Better than most days anyways.

Giving out a sigh, she rolled over to where he had previously been laying, and partly collapsed against his pillow- at this point, she didn't care if she fell asleep on the floor. Sure, she could go through the trouble of putting everything back together on the bed, but why bother? She was pretty content here just the same, and maybe she could still salvage some sleep.

Besides, she didn't think she could get up and do it even if she wanted to.

She waited until she heard the shower going before she tried to make herself comfortable.

...

But, after ten minutes of tossing and turning, she gave up.

She was tired, sure, but for some reason her body and her mind weren't on the same page- which wasn't a surprise. They never really had been, which was why her sleep schedule was always in a constant state of fucked up.

Reluctantly forcing herself to get up, Juli stepped out of the bedroom and headed into the kitchen- hoping maybe some water would help balance her out; she had been on a caffeine buzz as of lately, so she wasn't surprised by her mild restlessness. Although, in all honesty, she could go for something much stronger than water, but she knew alcohol wouldn't help her mental state in the least bit.

Not to mention, she knew Joseph didn't keep any kind of alcohol in his house to begin with.

On the plus side though, his refrigerator was always full of water, which she gladly helped herself to. She took a brief sip before she headed back into the small dining area, now figuring that maybe an hour or two on her computer would mentally kill her enough to sleep. It usually did most days, mostly just out of boredom- but it was better than nothing.

...

But those plans got tossed the moment she heard him step out of the shower.

She waited, partly leaning against the small dining table, until Joseph came out of his room a few minutes later. He was dressed in little more than a pair of black lounge pants, and a sleeveless shirt- which was rare for him to sport considering the long collection of scars he had running up and down his arms. He didn't seem bothered to show them off around her though, probably because she had been the one to tend to them before they were scars- which was a testament to her horrible first aid skills.

He looked... better, although his skin had the same hint of redness hers had before.

Juli offered a brief smile and set her water aside, before she moved to met him as he walked in. She barely got her arms around him before she felt him immediately lean in against her, one arm loosely hooking around the back of her neck. Just as she suspected, his skin was warm to the touch, as was his body pressed against hers- encouraging her to tuck her head in against his shoulder to take in the heat he was putting off.

Before... any of this had ever happened, before the Beacon ordeal overall, they hadn't been the touch-est of people. Even in their loosely called relationship, neither of them were really fans of physical gestures- although that wasn't to say they didn't hold hands, or hug from time to time. It was just something neither of them were accustomed to; she guessed they were just too independent for their own good- they were too used to living, and existing, alone.

But now...

Now she had to admit that it was a little harder for them to keep their hands off of each other.

It was like they needed to physically touch one another to make sure that the other was still around- and to give out whatever bit of comfort they could. And she came to find out that she rather liked the occasional brush of his hand against her- she liked the subtle weight of his arm draped over her while they slept. She enjoyed the way she could lean against him while they watched the late-night news, when the both of them happened to have insomnia.

She liked holding his face in her hands and laughing at the exasperated look he would give her when she wouldn't let him go.

"Feeling any better?" Juli asked, as she knitted her hands against his lower back, and moved to tuck her head against the curve of his neck.

His other arm moved to wrap around her waist, pulling her in closer against him. "Enough," he answered.

It was... an okay answer.

She knew not to expect much, and yet, she always found herself disappointed by the lackluster response. She moved to press her forehead to his- which was an important advantage to them being the same height; neither of them had to lean up or stoop down to reach the other. As long as she wasn't wearing heels, they were always at eye level with one another.

"How enough?" Juli queried.

"Hard to explain- why are you asking?" Joseph started, only to interrupt himself halfway through his own response.

"Quick to the defense there," she teased, giving a quiet laugh at the annoyed look he responded with. "Well, I just figured, it's still pretty early, I mean, we could go for a walk, get some fresh air, maybe go to the park if you want."

He gave a brief laugh in response. "That sounds nice, Juli, it does, but... neither of us are the kind of people to do that."

Okay... she had to give him that.

But he couldn't say that she didn't try.

"Alright, well, you got any better plans?" she asked.

"Well... no, not really," Joseph admitted, "I mean, I still have some work left over from yesterday that I need to finish- it shouldn't take me long though, so... I don't know, maybe I can call Myra and see if she needs any help with anything."

Again, she shouldn't be surprised- or disappointed- by his answer.

"She did mention something about taking home another drawerful of case files, and such," Juli remarked, not exactly thrilled to give up that information. "Or, you could forget about work for once, and we could just watch a movie, or the news. Or if you're up to it..." she suggested instead, noting that he didn't seem the least bit interested in any of her offers, which wasn't surprising, "we could always pick up where we left off earlier."


	3. Chapter 3

"Where were we earlier?"

The question lingered in the air between them for a moment.

Either making an innocent note of his tired forgetfulness, or... making a small claim to the damage done to his short-term memory.

It only took a few seconds before he cleared up the debate between the two though.

"Oh..."

And if there had been any hint of surprise in Joseph's voice, it wasn't obviously present- although that wasn't to say that it wasn't still there. He made good on his ability to withhold reactions, and... it didn't help that he was probably still feeling a little bashful about their failed attempt before.

"It's just a thought," Juli offered, as she leaned back in his arms- feeling the way he had to press his hands more prominently against her back to keep a hold on her. "Would it really kill you to let me have one night where you're not up working with Myra instead?"

The words were meant as a tease, just something to lighten the mood with- and considering the immediate unamused look Joseph shot her in return, Juli took it that he knew she meant well. That didn't mean he had to appreciate her joke though.

Which she found out when she leaned in to kiss him, as a small apology- only to have him twist slightly out of her reach.

"Oh come on," she insisted, "that was a little funny."

"You know, if you're trying to persuade me into something, especially with what you're propositioning, you're not doing that great of a job of it," Joseph replied. Although the slight twitching on the corners of his lips said that he might've reluctantly agreed with her to a small degree.

Work seemed to be a calming catalyst for both him and Myra.

From time to time, the two seemed to dread sleep, or any sort of social interaction, so they busied and distracted themselves with the work that had piled up around the department. All of which Juli couldn't blame them for doing. After the hell the both of them had gone through, even if Myra didn't remember a lot of it, any little distraction was good enough. Anything that would keep their minds focusing on something other than the scratching on the insides of their skulls, was good enough.

If she and Sebastian weren't around to remind them that they were still human, and still needed basic things to survive, the two probably would've had every case in Krimson City solved by now. But that was only if the extensive fatigue and exhaustion, not to mention the nightmares, and relapses, didn't kill them first.

And Joseph was aware of it.

He knew that sometimes his work ethic went a little too far- and at the cost of his own health. But the acknowledgement of it did little to deter him still. He had a lot of things he didn't want to think about, didn't want to remember...

Juli tried not to get in his way too often, but in a case like this, she needed to. She couldn't have him cementing himself to the front of his computer screen, glued to the phone as he and Myra talked details back and forth, and back and forth.

She and Sebastian didn't exactly escape unscathed either, but they found their distractions in focusing on Joseph and Myra.

She found her distractions in distracting him.

So it was a win-win for the both of them in some ways.

Although, Juli had to admit that this was the first time she had tried out _this_ form of distraction on him. It had benefitted them earlier that day, so she couldn't see why it would hurt to try and do it again. Maybe with a little more success this time around.

And from what she could tell, she had gotten Joseph intrigued on the idea so far- which was a step in the right direction for now.

"Never really was good with words," Juli reminded. "Maybe you should just let me _show_ you instead."

Despite such, her words were enough to draw a quiet laugh from his lips- a heavenly kind of sound given the circumstances. It was good to hear him laugh again; it was good to see him smile, to see him express any sort of emotion really. Even if it was at her own expense. And maybe she was acting a little off, a little out of character for herself, but if it was for his own sake, than so be it. The least she could do was keep him alive.

Keep him happy for however long she could before STEM ripped him away from her again.

She needed to hold onto these memories- needed to pack them in tight and use them as warmth on the bad days.

Leaning into him again, Joseph didn't pull away this time and allowed her to settle a short kiss on him. Her hands moved to cup his jaw as she trailed loose, fluttered embraces against him. She drew in his heat against her lips, and she felt the warming sensation run like a chill throughout her body as fingers curled against his skin. Juli felt one of his hands slide up along her back, curling against the back of her shoulder as he returned the embrace.

She felt him counter each one of her kisses with his own- softly peppering her lips just slightly off-tempo to her own.

And she wanted to pull him in closer, draw him into her and only her- but she had a point to make here.

"How's that for a persuasive argument?" Juli mused, as one hand drifted to the back of his neck, before she ran her fingers up through his still damp hair. Her lips still brushed against his with every word, with every syllable- creating more short, makeshift kisses between them.

"It's uh... it's an improvement," Joseph replied, pulling away just enough to break their connection, before he brushed his lips against her forehead instead. And Juli had to admit that it felt just as intimate as their work before, as she felt him pull his arm around her waist- pulling her hips in against his own. "If you think the risk is worth taking-"

"Believe me, I have been in riskier situations," she reminded. "And I have done stupider things in said situations- I think we're both well aware of that."

He spared her with a brief chuckle, before he dropped his lips back onto hers- this time holding onto her for longer than just a fluttered expression. He kissed her with warmth and heat on his lips, sharing it with her, and reminding her of their previous escapade. It gave her hope that burned like a kindling in her stomach that this time would indeed turn out far more successful- not that that was the whole point to this excursion.

"Alright..." a quiet, reserved sound of agreement that was murmured between them.

Juli wasted no time in kissing him again- at moving her hands to curl and bundle his shirt between her fingers as she made the motion to remove it. She enjoyed the warmth of his skin, and the memories of having it pressed up against her before were still raw and new; she wanted to recreate that feeling- that moment of skin on skin. She wanted to be able to feel every breath underneath her hands, a subtle reminder that he was still alive and still fighting.

But his hands slightly fought her on the motion as he covered her own and held them in place.

"Not in front of the windows," Joseph objected, before adding. "I still can't look at my neighbors after the last time."

Juli tried to bite back a laugh, but partly failed herself in doing so- and resorted to using his lips to slightly muffle the sound. "In my defense, I didn't realize how great of a view they got from their balcony," she whispered, as she pulled her hands free from underneath his and moved them to his chest. With a little bit of force, she gradually began to push him back towards his room. "That does explain why they won't look at me either whenever I come over."

"Yeah well... they probably weren't expecting to come home and see something they clearly _weren't_ supposed to in clear line of sight from their back door," he continued, taking a moment to gain his footing, before he walked backwards along with her guiding. "Which, might I remind, was your idea."

"I didn't know you lived behind a couple of peeping toms," she insisted.

Honestly, there was nothing quite like having a romantic moment ruined by some neighbors who just couldn't stay inside their house for a few minutes longer.

The infamous incident had happened well over a few months ago, so Juli didn't see why these people were still acting like it was some big deal. She guessed they just weren't expecting to come home and see the mild-mannered Detective who lived behind them... engaging in a very natural act with his partner from work. It wasn't like they were doing anything crazy either- and yet it still somehow left a lasting impression on his neighbors.

"You still owe me a new chair by the way."

Juli managed to get the both of them through the short corridor behind them, and back into his bedroom without issue. Although they both had to navigate somewhat erratically around his bed to avoid bruised, and pained shins, or broken toes. "You have to bring that up now?" she asked, as she grabbed the corner of the footboard with one hand and used it as a reference to steer them around his bed.

The moment she felt the wrinkled comforter at her feet, she grabbed him by the waist and slowly eased the both of them down onto the floor; she used the thick blanket to protect them from the cold flooring this time.

Sure, they probably could have hastily thrown everything back onto the bed like she had considered doing earlier- but it was hardly worth it at this point.

It wouldn't be the first time they were on the floor anyways.

She was careful as she pressed him down onto his bruised back, and then slowly settled herself against his waist.

"It's been two months, and I'm still missing one," Joseph reminded.

Juli's hands pressed loosely against his chest, feeling her palms lift with every steady breath that escaped him. And this was the sensation she had been seeking out before; it gave her assurance, gave her security in the palms of her hands. Told her that despite everything behind them, there was still a present- still a future. "If I get you a new chair, will you let it go?"

"That's really the whole point of this conversation."

She frowned, and shot him an exasperated look as she pressed her hands a little more firmly against his chest. "I hate you."

"No you don't."

And the warm brush of his hands against her thighs reminded her that she truly didn't- but she could still play the part.

Juli felt a small shudder run up along her spine at the contact, as she felt the way his palms slowly skirted up along her legs until his fingers curved against her hips. Careful, steady movements as his fingertips trailed up along her abdomen once more- causing her to squirm at the slight tickling effect it had on her skin. She watched as he tangled his hands in the shirt that hung loosely off of her frame- and noted that it didn't take him much time, nor effort, to pull it off of her.

And it took even less work for him to toss it aside.

She could feel the way his eyes lingered on her, taking in every curve of detail on her body. She never had been one for modesty- too many people had seen her naked before for her to really care much for it.

She felt his hands move back to her waist, before they climbed up to her ribcage- gripping softly, before he coaxed her down to him. Her hands moved to the crumbled blanket underneath them to catch herself, before she took to his lips once again. And she tended to him with scattered kisses that were met with faint, equally scattered laughter.

"This is crazy," Joseph whispered, as one hand pushed through her dark hair and held it away from her face.

Juli pressed her lips to the corner of his, grinning softly at the words. "Oh come on," she replied. "This is the craziest thing we've done?" she felt him turn his head enough to catch her lips, before he dragged her into another warm kiss- as though in answer. And she could feel the way they were both still laughing. She wasn't sure what it was that had caused the laughing to start in the first place, but after the morning that they had both had... she didn't want it to leave. "You don't remember that one time we actually did go to the park-"

"That was a very heavy public indecency risk," he interrupted, as he loosely hooked his arm across the back of her neck- keeping her close to him. "Not to mention, the risk of ruining our reputations."

"It was four in the morning- no one else was there," she reminded.

"You were being spontaneous. There was nothing stopping someone else from being spontaneous as well."

"It was still fun."

Normally he would've given her a mock look of exasperation, but this time he just laughed and pulled her into another kiss. "Maybe so, but... the statement still stands."

"Is that so?" Juli pressed, moving one hand between them as she briefly rubbed at his chest- still anchored to the feeling of every breath in his lungs. She felt the subtle way his breathing picked up as she tangled her fingers in his shirt, before she slowly tugged the material up along his torso. She gave herself the small opportunity to skim her fingertips against his warm skin as she did so- feeling the slight tension of his muscles underneath her touch.

He was more in control of himself this time around.

More in-tuned to what was going on- more so than he had been before.

And even though she had seen his scars plenty of times before, she knew he was still self-conscious about them. He still didn't like how they stood out, pale-red, against his skin- marking trails and highways across his body. Flayed out like fingers over his ribs and hips.

They were a testament to his will to survive though- his will to persevere.

But sometimes they were just reminders of horrid nightmares and pockets of lost memories to him; they were physical memories of what could've been- what should've been in some instances.

She rarely paid attention to the crude tissue though, no matter how rough it felt underneath her fingertips.

For now, all she wanted to focus on was getting him out of his shirt- which she carelessly tossed aside upon achievement.

"By all means then, talk to me about it," Juli spoke, feeling the warmth of his chest against hers as she slowly laid back against him. She could feel his every breath, almost every heartbeat against her own- felt the way that ribs and muscles laid over one another. This was the kind of contact she didn't realize she had yearned for at times- that unexplainable itch that scratched at her instead.

His fingertips gently brushed against her cheek, before he pulled her down into another kiss.

Before he wrapped her up in the heat of his mouth and tongue, in the heat of his hands as they circled against her back. Her body arched against his as her throat quietly vibrated with the subtle moan that teased its way up from her chest.

She wanted more- she wanted him.

But she gave away when he pulled back from her.

"Okay, so... maybe it's not the situation that's crazy," Joseph replied.

"Thinking it's just you?" Juli whispered.

"I think that's a given."

She didn't reply, not immediately anyways, and instead took in the heat of his touch as he kissed at her jaw; and then at her neck, and lower still. His hands curled and pressed against her ribs, circling around her, before he slowly rolled her onto her back- pressing her into the blanket now. And Juli was really glad that it was there; she hated cold flooring.

Her hands were quick to hold onto him as she pulled him on top of her- embracing the warmth of colliding skin once more.

"It is," she finally spoke, taking in the familiar sense of his body weight on top of her; she shifted her legs around his hips to let him fall easier against her. Juli heard him give a brisk laugh at her honesty. "I mean, if we're being truthful here-"

"You're right," he assured, although he seemed far more focused on trailing kisses down her neck. Skirting her artful collarbones, he dipped down and pressed his lips against the flat of her sternum- taking in the way it moved underneath him now.

Juli tilted her head back and breathed in as she felt his warm breath pool between her breasts.

She felt the way the curve of her ribs filled his palms as Joseph moved his hands over them- moving them in slow, steady strokes that had her arching into the touch. It was a soft, calming motion that lulled her into the movement of his lips against her skin.

"It feels like... I'm going crazy, and you're not coming with me."

Fingers tangled in his hair as she felt him skim further and further down her abdomen, allowing him to feel the way it lifted with every steady breath. Anticipation held tight in her throat as she felt fingertips brush down against ribs and hips, as she felt them curling against her waist. "I used to know that feeling," Juli whispered, as she shifted her legs and adjusted her hips around him- anticipating his movements. A chill ran up her spine as the movement brought attention to the warmth that had pooled between her thighs- brought attention to the low buzzing in her stomach. "It's suffocating. It takes everything out of you- and it takes everything to not give into it."

Like barbed wire wrapped around the throat.

Or the burning of a cult symbol pressed into the skin.

Juli felt her heart beating a little faster in her chest now, as his palms skirted back around her thighs. Warm, passing strokes as he tucked his arms underneath her legs, and pulled them forward to rest against his shoulders. Fingertips pressed firm into the thickest part of her thighs, a sense of security, as his warm breath spilled across her waist and hips. There was no denying that he could feel the slight tremor that passed underneath her skin from time to time- the slight spasm of her muscles in anticipation.

"And despite everything, and everyone... you're alone."

His lips brushed warm impressions of loose kisses against the inside of her thigh- moving further and further down until the warmth of his mouth settled between her legs. And despite anticipation, despite knowing, the touch was still enough to exhaust a breathless gasp out of her. It was still enough to bring the slight press of her hips against him as static sensations spiraled through her body- curling fingers in against the floor, grasping at the loose blanket.

Juli felt his hands squeeze her legs in response to her, before he moved to rest them against her waist- using them as support to keep her hips weighed back down.

It was a soothing mess of different sensations as she felt him continue to wind her up. As she felt the warm workings of his mouth and tongue against her- warm and firm with every stroke, and touch.

This whole situation had revolved around her offering to distract him, but... Joseph had always been more of a giving, rather than receiving, kind of partner. Which was certainly no issue to her; she certainly didn't mind him using her to distract himself. After all, in the end, she would still technically be doing what she had promised him- and they would both be getting something out of it.

The room stayed quiet, with the exception of a few heavy breaths, and the sound of her heels digging into the hardwood floor; the blanket had somewhat bundled itself against her ankles.

Juli wasn't a loud person by any means- at least not so much anymore. Anything and everything from before had been more for entertainment- more for stroking a few egos when she needed to. Sometimes it was fun, and other times it was just too much work, too much effort. Too much of a ploy.

She didn't have to do that for him though.

The quiet was more fitting for the two of them; it was more intimate, and comforting.

For once, silence meant a good thing.

Not to mention, it certainly made things easier in the early mornings when they sometimes weren't the only ones in the house.

Her fingers moved to tease and run through his dark hair.

_Oh Christ..._

She could feel the knots in her lower stomach getting bigger- like coils constantly twisting again and again in tension. It left her hips partly shuddering as each and every throb that echoed between her legs seemed to be accompanied by his tongue. Her back arched carefully, before she pressed her hips up against him once more- rolling them against his lips in an offer of encouragement.

The heat that vibrated between his mouth, and her body was intoxicating- sending small spasms through her thighs with every stroke of his tongue.

She caught the few heavy, partly gasping breaths that died across her lips as her fingers shakily sought his own. As her fingers curled and pressed between his, feeling the tightness that had settled into his joints as he clung to her hips.

And like a coil placed under far too much pressure, it hit a breaking point.

And it came apart like springs inside of her.

It was slow and subtle as heat crawled through her body, as it sent trembling quivers down to her fingertips and tremors into her heels- causing them to slide and catch on the floor paneling. Nothing outrageous; it was soothing and calm, which still left her satisfied with the heat that had pooled into her stomach. It left her satisfied with the impression of his hands left on her hips- with the subtle dig of fingertips into her skin.

Her hands were trembling as she pulled them apart, and moved to push fingers through her hair, pulling the damp bangs away from her face. The shower from before now seemed lost against the thin layer of sweat that was coating her skin- making herself and the room feel a little hotter than it actually was. Her body quietly ached in the good taste of exerted muscles and tightened limbs.

Juli bit into her lip and groaned slightly as she felt his lips and mouth against the inside of her flushed thigh now- as she felt just the slightest graze of his teeth.

It was enough to cause her to squirm slightly as it triggered yet another ticklish effect on her skin.

Which was enough to draw a quiet chuckle from Joseph's throat- hinting that he knew that that would happen.

Untangling her legs from his arms, Juli pushed herself up and reached one hand forward to grab a mess of his black hair, before she pulled him into her. She brought his lips hard against her own, and was surprised that one of them didn't split under the force- although it was enough to entice a subtle groan from the both of them. There was the slight catch of teeth against lips as she bit lightly into his bottom one, and tugged on it, only to have him return the gesture on her.

"So tell me then... what gives you the will to keep going?" she spoke, breaking the silence, as she moved one arm behind her for additional balance. He had shifted onto his knees, which made it easier for her to use her bare feet to push his lounge pants off of his waist.

God, his skin was warm.

His lips were hard against her own, embracing and returning every single kiss and bite she had given him. One hand had moved to grab at the back of her neck, fingers curling in the mess of her hair as he held her to him. And she swore she could feel every pulse of his heart beat racing against her own- she could almost hear the blood pumping through the both of them.

"You do."

She knew it wasn't just her.

It was everyone.

It was everyone pulling together, and staying together, that was helping to keep his head above the water.

But for now, in this moment, his focus was just on her.

And she was perfectly okay with that.

Juli's hands moved to his shoulders, both heavy in their own right, before she rolled the both of them back over to where they had originally started- getting him onto his back once more. And it was a mess of hands and shifting bodies as she made quick work of finally getting rid of his lounge pants; the unsettled feeling of exposed skin had long since left him now.

She started to push herself back onto her knees, before she felt him pushing himself up from underneath her as well.

"My back is getting stiff," Joseph remarked, laughing quietly at himself as he waited for her to catch her balance, before he moved so that his back was up against the side of the bed frame instead.

"You're getting old," Juli teased, as she settled herself into his lap, letting her knees slide against his hips. She leaned down and kissed him once more- taking in a shared laugh between them, as his hands moved to her back once more. She felt his fingertips against the arch of her back, before they moved slow and steady along the curve of her spine.

When his lips broke away from her own, they carried the warmth to her neck once again, before he gradually made his way back down to her collarbones, and then to her chest. Her hands moved to the mattress behind him, and curled lightly against it as she felt him take his gracious time moving down to one of her breasts. Warm breath pooled against her nipple, before he took it in against his lips and tongue.

And she let her head fall forward with the touch- feeling the easy breath escape her at the sensation. His fingers pressed firm against her back, holding her up close to him as he rolled the stiff perk around with his tongue.

Shifting her knees further apart, she rolled her hips forward in response, and felt his body shudder underneath her as she felt him press hard against her stomach.

"Your back's not the only thing-"

" _Don't_."

Juli snorted slightly to bite back the laugh at his quick response, before she settled her weight back against his thighs. "You still wanna do this?" she questioned, out of her own reassurance.

His hands rubbed circles against her back, allowing her to lean into them once more. "I don't see why not," Joseph replied. "Unless you're having second thoughts."

"I'm fine- I just didn't want you throwing out your back," she remarked.

"That was _once_."

She shook her head and leaned in to brush her lips against his forehead- kissing a soft, scattered laugh against him.

Shifting her legs around him, Juli pushed herself up onto her knees and carefully realigned her hips over his own; she moved one hand down between them and wrapped her fingers around his cock, garnering a quiet groan from him. She held him steady as she carefully eased her hips down- but didn't miss out on the opportunity to stroke him a few times over.

He was warm to the touch, and she couldn't ignore the subtle twitching that played against her fingertips.

Drawing in a deep breath, she lowered herself enough to feel the tip of him press against her, before she decided to rock her hips back and forth for a bit. Juli felt her own body shiver at the motion- feeling the way his tip pushed between her wet folds, and made itself slick on her wet arousal. Teeth lightly bit into her lower lip as she let herself take in the sensations, feeling the slight trembling in her thighs as she rocked herself against him.

Joseph's hands brushed against her hips, before he curled his fingers against her skin, and eased her back. She felt her back arch slightly at the sensation of him rubbing himself against her, before he pressed the head of his cock against her clit- causing her to jolt slightly at the touch.

She bit back on the heavy moan in her chest, but she heard the slight chuckle that played in his throat.

Fingers gripped at the mattress as she let him control the rocking of her hips, letting them move in time with the stroking of her fingers against him.

The heat in her chest made it hard to breathe, and she tucked her head down into his soft hair- breathing him in as she felt the warmth that spilled itself between her thighs. As she felt the subtle mess that was collecting between her legs, making her skin swollen and slick.

Juli pushed herself back, and used her fingers to realign him once more- unable to cope with the growing knots in her stomach again. And carefully, she eased herself down on him- using the weight of her hips to do so.

Her body was still relaxed and warm from his earlier foreplay, making it easy for him to slide into her- and making her all the more receptive to his presence. She still felt her hips spasm slightly at the slow way he entered her- feeling her body all the more welcoming as it stretched around him. But the low groan that came up from his throat was almost more pleasing to hear.

She moved both of her hands to dig into the mattress for balance as she felt her body curl as she finally settled herself into his lap.

Breathing out, Juli let herself focus on the way he felt inside of her.

She focused on the way her muscles and inner walls took to him, subtly clenching around his cock, and fully welcoming his presence. She could feel warmth pool into her lower belly and loins, flooding her senses as she slowly rolled her hips against him. She took her time to get adjusted and reacquainted with him- allowing her muscles and body to conform to his presence.

She started slow by rolling her hips over him at first, and then shifting into a soft rocking motion as she pushed a little onto her knees. Her fingers were curled tight against the mattress, before she moved to press her forearms flat against the side of it- allowing her body to lean forward some. Allowing her to shift her weight to her knees, and re-balance herself, before she began giving into subtle thrusts. Her hips rolled against him as she kept them loose and free of weight- putting the burden of it on her knees and shins. The blanket at least offered some padding against the flooring, so her legs wouldn't be too stiff afterwards.

She felt Joseph's warm breath against the nape of her neck as his hands continued to circle against her hips- feeling the way they moved against his palms.

It was slow and subtle, hips moving in steady rhythm as she followed the heat of his fingertips as they now traced shapes against her back. As she felt the subtle kisses that peppered the curve of her neck and her collarbones.

The entire day felt like it was behind them now- lost and forgotten about in the moment. And maybe Juli would remember it later, and maybe she would come to terms with the fact that she had pulled a huge risk by doing this. But for now, it was meaningless. It was something for her to worry about later- much later. Something she could hardly even think on now.

Not when every inch of her was buzzing and coiling with heat all over again.

Not when fingers sank into the coarse material of the mattress, trying to still the slight trembling that came with every thrust.

Not when she felt that pool of heat in her stomach getting higher and higher- flooding into her chest as she fought through each gasping breath.

She could hear Joseph's heavy breaths too; she felt the heat of them against her neck as he was caught up in the moment just the same. Too distracted to think of anything else but her- too distracted by her. Which meant she was doing her job- and doing it well.

Juli felt his hands move to grab her by the hips once more, this time holding on and pushing on them with every thrust. The curl of his fingers drove her harder against him, as her hips rocked a few more times before they buckled under the pressure of the knots in her stomach releasing once more.

It felt like her body turned rigid in his hands as she continued to move against him; hips a little rougher, a little uncoordinated now as she rode out her climax. She could feel the muscles in her lower abdomen spasming, the tightness in them suddenly giving away, as an airy, sort of lightweight feeling flooded into her chest.

Joseph finished soon after- no doubt triggered by her own release, as her body clung to him once more. And she moaned softly as she felt their hips rocking into one another's, riding the climaxes out for how long they could. The silence was punctured by heavy gasps, and the quick need for air as every breath of it had been held for far too long inside of their chests.

It wasn't long before she felt her legs finally give out, and felt her hips drop heavily against his own- never minding to readjust themselves.

Juli leaned back slightly, trying to pull in some more cool air and give her skin a chance to sweat out the heat. Everything ached in that good release kind of way- bringing out the slight soreness to her muscles now. Bringing out the slight weakness in her limbs as they felt heavy on her now. One hand moved to brush through her damp bangs as she pushed them out of her face once more. "... What do you think, Detective? Thinking about work now?" she mused- hearing him give her a quiet laugh in response.

"I highly doubt I could even if I wanted to," Joseph replied, as he loosely rubbed his hands against her flushed thighs.

The fact that he admitted to such was an improvement on its own. Even if it was one of those 'said in the moment' kind of things.

She leaned forward and brought him into a loose kiss. His lips and breath were hot against her own, and she had no doubts that hers were the same way. Still, she enjoyed the heat of them despite the slight discomfort of already being overheated herself.

"So... the night is still pretty young, any other ideas?"

**Author's Note:**

> I have had this story sitting around for MONTHS. I'm ready to finally finish it and get it over with.


End file.
